


Dark Judgement - Partying with the Fëanorians.

by Glorfindel



Series: Dark Judgement [4]
Category: Lord of the Rings - Tolkien, The Silmarillion - Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Humour, slapstick violence.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-27
Updated: 2009-11-27
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:27:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glorfindel/pseuds/Glorfindel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The reformed Sauron, who lives in Valinor with Maglor, finds it disconcerting that he is every elflings' favourite uncle, in spite of trying not to be. The reborn Erestor is Sauron's step-son and he is married to Glorfindel, whom Sauron considers to be a bimbo of the worst sort and not good enough for his son at all! Elrond is Sauron's best friend and every week they sit at the same table and enjoy watching the pie party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Judgement - Partying with the Fëanorians.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dark Judgement](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21316) by [Glorfindel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glorfindel/pseuds/Glorfindel). 



Sauron's POV

 

Why is it that elflings like me? I do nothing to encourage it and yet they clamber all over me. I have come to terms with the fact that I have obviously lost the factor within me that warns elves to beware. How I mourn its loss; I bet the Valar have something to do with it.

 

"Unca Sauron," Amras' repulsive, foul-mouthed, ginger haired iell said to me, after wiping a huge semi-wet bogey on my knee which became a biting flea and ran up her dress after I waved my hand over it. "Is Unca Erestor really a Dark Lord? He said he is." Unfortunately I am related to this little brat by marriage, so I had to be somewhat polite or risk upsetting Maglor.

 

"I brought him up to be one," I replied as I visualised a pleasant thought of her being crushed underfoot by a hoard of trolls. "He isn't as good at Dark Lording as I am though."

 

"Can I be a Dark Lord too?" she asked because she is not very bright at all.

 

"No," I replied and smirked. "You are an elf. Only Maia and their kids can be Dark Lords."

 

"It is better to be an elf than a Maia," the little twit taunted. "You smell of dog shit and your face looks like a great big poo."

 

I know how to handle little girls like her. "If you say so," I replied as if I did not mean a word of it and was incredibly uninterested. Then I picked her off my lap, stood her on the floor and turned to talk to Elrond who was sitting beside me.

 

Her face fell because I would not give her the argument. "Don't like you anymore," she sulked and kicked me in the leg. "Ow!" she screamed. "You hurt my foot."

 

I waved my hand, so imperceptibly that no one would ever notice, and the metal hard skin on my leg went back to its normal texture. I pulled up my legging and asked her how I could have done so.

 

"Amaurea," Elrond said to her. "Stop being a naughty little girl and go wash your mouth out with some soap."

 

"I am not being naughty," she screeched, and stamped her feet. Her Ada came running across, alerted by his daughter's high pitched shouting at us. The invective that spewed out of the elfling's mouth was quite shocking; if she had been my iell I would have been extremely proud of her.

 

Elrond and I assumed the postures of the surprised and horrified. "Amaurea," Amras said to his small iell. "Why are you being so rude?"

 

"Unca Sauron's leg hurt my foot when I kicked him," she said.

 

"You should not be kicking him," Amras said as he dragged his iel away by the hand. "I think it is high time for you to have a nap, young lady."

 

"Nooooo...It wasn't my fault," the little monster screamed, and kicked her ada. Amras bent down and picked Amaurea up, whilst giving her a stiff lecture about the inappropriateness of kicking him. I would have kicked him too; he is a twat.

 

"Little brat," Elrond said to me. "Fëanor's grand-elflings are so badly behaved. That little girl certainly reinforces the stereotype that red heads have quick and foul tempers."

 

"I must admit, I am very surprised at her behaviour. She has the manners of an orc," I replied. I looked over the room and smirked at Amaurea who was pointing at me and telling her nana what a bastard I am. I can lip read, and I can tell you now, her nana did not even correct her choice of words. She jumped off her nana's lap when Erestor walked into the room and ran straight over to him. I saw her pointing and complaining about how I had hurt her foot.

 

Erestor picked her up and laughed. Amaurea punched him in the eye with her tiny fist in a fit of outraged temper. My ion sat down on the nearest chair and held her close. She struggled, but he did not let her go as she tried to move her arms and legs to attack him further. After a couple of minutes she calmed down and fell asleep. What a foul and impulsive temper that little one has; if she lived in Middle-earth she would have been just right for corrupting into the paths of darkness and enjoying a bright future indeed. However, we are in Valinor now and the Valar will not tolerate any dark armies. Boring swine!

 

I gave Erestor some of my power when he was much younger, as I am his ada after all, so I was not surprised at what he did next. He grinned at me and gestured to the sleeping child. Elrond and I watched as he waved his hand and she rose in the air to be positioned just above the Yule tree in the centre of the large hall. How bizarre she looked floating in the air and fast asleep.

 

Amaurea's nana panicked and tugged at her husband's sleeve, pointing at her sleeping iell. Amras grinned and put his arm around his wife. "Well, at least we know where she is and that she is not getting into trouble," he said.

 

It was a happy evening after that. There was a satisfactory pie throwing, during which Glorfindel was completely covered with the pond slime pie filling. I never lose the thrill of watching my staid ion-in-law being covered with smelly stuff; I would say it enhanced his appearance by a lot. I had the misfortune of having two of Fëanor's tinier grand elflings sitting on me during the pie throwing, much to Maglor and Erestor's amusement. However, they were not as obnoxious as their older cousin and were quite well behaved really. Elrond had a couple of baby elflings on his lap, and Maglor and Erestor shared five small elflings between them; all were with us to avoid being caught in the line of fire.

 

The evening wore on and little Amaurea woke up and started to cry. Erestor guided her down to the floor from her lofty position above the tree and instead of running straight to her nana she ran to me! Why, why, why???

 

"Unca Sauron," she screeched with joy as she climbed on my lap. "I had a sleep. I woke up at the top of the tree. I am a Yuletide tree fairy now. That's better than being a Dark Lord."

 

"No, it's not," I replied.

 

"Yes it is," she screamed at the top of her voice. I caught her fist as it aimed for my eye.

 

"Amaurea, would you like me to turn you into a newt?" I asked.

 

"My ada will kick your arse if you do," she announced. Such is the faith of the ignorant.

 

"Your ada has tried several times in his former life to kick my arse and has failed every time, in fact your whole family has," I replied with a smirk. "Now, do you want to shut up and behave, or do you want me to turn you into a newt for ever and ever?"

 

"Being a newt wouldn't be too bad," Amaurea said after a moment of thought. "It is my favourite animal."

 

"Glorfindel would kill you by crushing you under his boot," I told her and gave her a genuine smile. "He hates newts."

 

"Well I hate him then," the little brat announced.

 

"Why don't you go and kick him for hating newts?" I suggested.

 

She was off my lap faster than a speeding arrow and across the room. She kicked the bimbo in the leg, and when he picked her up she punched him on the nose. "You hate newts," she screeched at my surprised ion-in-law.

 

Elrond and I tittered; he is nearly as wicked as me when it comes to enjoying the misfortune of others, although, he likes Glorfindel a lot which I consider a character failing. However, Elrond is an elf, so one cannot expect his judgement to be as clear, or as perceptive as mine. Maglor grinned and told us to watch Glorfindel, who looked outraged. He held Amaurea by the scruff directly in front of him. "Listen, you little brat," he snarled. "You will not hit me again, or else, understand?" He stormed over to Amras, and I could not see the whole exchange but it was enough for the bimbo to deposit Amaurea in her nana's lap and then punch Fëanor's ion on the nose. Who would have thought he had it in him?

 

"Everyone get stuck in!" Fëanor shouted, and then he pushed Maedhros, who was walking past, and sent him flying; the elflings used this as a signal to run to the side of the hall to keep out of the way and once again I was covered in elflings. Maedhros jumped up and charged at his ada like an angry bull. Fëanor stepped aside and he collided with Amras, who was already flying backwards because Glorfindel had punched him again.

 

Erestor and Maglor both ran forward to join in the melee. In the thick of it I saw Elrond's heifer punching Caranthir, and Celeborn kicking Fëanor in the back of the knees so he ended up on the floor, then he jumped on his back with both feet. Celebrimbor ducked when Maglor hit him, and when he turned around to laugh at my only one, Erestor punched him on the jaw so he fell flat out cold on the floor.

 

"Two gold pieces that Curufin will end up with a black eye," Elrond said as we got our money out of our pockets.

 

"He always gets a black eye," I replied. "All that ducking and diving, the others just aim their fists lower."

 

"All right," Elrond said. "Two gold pieces that both his eyes are blacked."

 

I put my two gold pieces down and we made a couple more bets on the side of the main one. Every week Elrond and I bet on who would be the most hurt, or in what way they would be. We were about even when it came to our winnings.

 

The Fëanorian elflings were at the side of the hall cheering their loved ones on and giggling loudly, as they always did, while the punch up continued unabated. However, all good things come to an end. The elves lay on the floor, exhausted, groaning and some of them horribly injured. Fëanor turned his bloody face to the side and looked at me. "Sauron, do your stuff."

 

I waved my hand and all were healed. "That was a bloody good fight," Fëanor boomed. "He looked at the elflings. "None of you are to copy what you saw here when you get home, understand?"

 

They all nodded, looking as innocent as the day they were born; I didn't trust any of them an inch. Erestor and Maglor walked over to our table as Elrond and I sorted our winnings.

 

"That was a good one this week," Maglor said as he hugged me. I put the elflings on the floor and told them to run off and see their parents.

 

"Why is Glorfindel still on the floor?" Erestor said, looking at me in the most accusatory way. "Ada, you missed him out when you made everyone better, didn't you?"

 

I laughed. "You caught me out," I said.

 

"Make him better now. You always do this."

 

I waved my hand and the bimbo stood up. He rubbed his forehead and looked confused. "Ada," Erestor barked. "Give him back his memory."

 

"He is merely stunned from being whacked over the head several times," I replied.

 

"ADA!" Erestor said loudly. "YOU ALWAYS DO THIS."

 

I sighed and waved my hand. Glorfindel looked around and smiled at me – the buffoon.

 

He walked over to our table. "That was a good fight," he said and flicked his girly bimbo hair from his shoulder.

 

Erestor looked up adoringly and agreed. "Come and sit with me, meleth," he said. We all had to move along so the twat could sit down.

 

Maglor snuggled against me and I put my arm around him and pulled him close. I wish I could be a snob and say that the Fëanorian pie and fighting parties were beneath me, but I love watching Glorfindel being hit with pies and getting the crap kicked out of him. It is a never ending source of amusement. He takes it all in good heart and enjoys it as much as they all do, but that does not detract from my enjoyment. Elrond also enjoys it – he loves the part where they are all healed at the end of the night, because he doesn't have to do it, and he always sniggers when I forget to heal my ion-in-law.

 

Next week will be here soon and we can do it all over again. Oh dear. Here is Amaurea and she is running towards me. I hope she trips and falls flat on her face.

 

"That weird little elfling really likes you," Maglor said as she approached.

 

"Unca Sauron," Amaurea squealed as she climbed on my lap. "It's time to go home now. Bye bye," she said and kissed my cheek. Then she jumped down. "See you next week. I am going to kick you really hard as well." She waved and ran off to join her parents who were fastening the cloaks of their many elflings; these Fëanorians have no restraint at all. Soon they will need a bigger hall to accommodate them all.

 

It is not my problem, however, and so I gave it no more thought. Erestor kissed me goodnight and so did his bimbo who is convinced I like him. I kissed Elrond's heifer wife and also hugged him before leaving with Maglor on my arm.

 

We made our way to our carriage and climbed inside. Maglor's head was against my shoulder and he smiled sleepily. "You know, I think that the pie parties are the most fun an elf can have."

 

I kissed the top of his head and held him tight. We have a happy life and Maglor is everything to me. I would change nothing, but I know for a fact he is wrong about pie parties. Tomorrow morning I will show him the meaning of fun, and he will need a good night's sleep beforehand. I am so looking forward to it.


End file.
